The Age of Modification

Recent Time Magazine released their Best Inventions of the Year list and their pronounced, "Invention of the Year: The iPhone." After reading the respective articles, I balled myself up in a corner and cried.

The iPhone is an invention? You're joking, right? Sure, it's neat and all. I'm pretty sure you can do nifty things with it. But the iPhone doesn't do what any other personal assistant phones do. It only adds flair with a touch screen. There's nothing innovative or inventive about the iPhone. It is just a modification of a phone. Nothing more, nothing less.

After seeing their pick for the year, I took a gander at the items that didn't win the top spot. There were so many innovative and beautifully inventive items, I was distraught that the iPhone was even considered in the same class as the others.

So I've decided I know what I need to do to become a world famous inventor. I will take a common place item, make it shiner, add lights, a touch screen and flair. And by flair, I mean the outer shell of my product will be designed by a Swedish agronomist designer who has a penchant for curves and a lust for young boys. The inner gears, parts and circuitry will have such a beautiful fluidity in design that I will demand it to be scrapped for cheap parts and labor in China (the parts and labor costs which I will over charge the consumer for).

So, what is the item I'm choosing to pimp?

The spoon.

I mean, think about it. Since the dawn of time, the spoon has always been the same. There are variations of the spoon and the type of material it is made from, but all the basics are still the same. But this is where I'm going to come in. I will make so many inconsequential modifications, that it will be the must have item of 2008. It will be so hot, I will be named the inventor of the year.

Think about it. Layer a white spoon with clear enamel. Make sure there are LED lights on the handle that blink every time you tilt the spoon. Of course the light will turn red if it is submerged in something hot, blue in cool and green if not submerged. There will be an LCD touch screen mounted on the neck of the spoon. For what reason? ABSOLUTELY NONE. It's just there, the consumer will love it.

I will ship my spoon in wacky packaging that my Swedish designer personally made while spooning with his young companion. I will charge the consumer 20 times the cost of R&D, production and shipping.

I will be rich and brilliant.

Time Magazine, where's my award?